MAMA: Adventures in Martial Arts and Motherhood

Its the roller coaster that gets me. The fact that you are just going along, doing your work, slowly climbing up, everything is going exactly according to plan, then Zoom!, down you go, fast, maybe not all the way to the bottom again, maybe somewhere halfway, but man you got there FAST! And now here we go again, back on the slow climb. Some days it feels like you are doing everything right, you are busting your ass to accomplish all of your goals in every way that you know how, yet things just aren't going the way you want them to. On those days it is easy to get angry at the world. Don't you see I am doing my best here? Don't you see how hard I am working? OMG just get the f&*k out of my way! Stop asking for more of me! Can't you see I don't have any more?? But the thing is, that down part, it is on the track. It is part of the ride. it has always been a part of the ride. We knew if was coming, we could see it at the top of the long climb up. We did...

This morning, while out walking my dog, I watched a mother put her young boy onto the school bus. "Have a good day," she said. "Listen to your teacher." The boy, who was about five years old, replied that of course he would, although it was unclear which of his mom's wishes he was agreeing to. Listening. So and so is a "good listener." We talk so much about it, but many of us have no idea how to actually do it., so caught up in the words inside our own head that it is almost impossible to hear anything else. Yeah I am listening to you, but not really, I am really thinking about the next thing I am going to say. I am listening to you, but not really, because even though you know an awful lot about this, deep down my egotistical brain still thinks I know better. I am listening, but not really because even though you just showed the technique in perfect detail three times, and I swore I was really paying attention, somehow when it was my tur...

"You win or you learn." Competitive athletes love to use this phrase, especially BJJ ones. And I know it sounds like a way to make the soul crushing pain of defeat a little less awful, or maybe a way to rationalize losing to your insecure brain so you don't have to actually admit that you lost. But most cliches are true, and this one is no exception. Whether it is on the competition mat, or simply in a regular class rolling session, I have done an awful lot of losing, and learning. I got better at defending arm bars by tapping multiple times and then going back to the dojo to drill arm bar defense. I got better at guard retention after getting tired of being smashed and learning to use my feet and hands defensively. And so on. Sometimes the lessons are crystal clear. Escaped everything but failed at getting to a dominant position? Need to work on that. Got to a good position but took too long to attack? Need to work on that. They kept getting out before you could lock ...