The Birds and the Bees

I have never lied to my daughter. When it comes to life's biggest questions, I have always been pretty straightforward. OK, sometimes I have beat around the bush a little, like when she asked me if Santa was real and I said "Well some people think he is. What do you think?" Or when she asked me if God was real and I said "Well some people think he is. What do you think?"

But for the most part, I am honest. 

Last night, as I was tucking her in to bed, my sweet little girl asked me the following questions:
1. How does a baby get inside your belly?
2. What is the part at the hospital for?
3. What happens if you get a baby in your belly and you do not want one?

Sweet Jesus! Can we please go back to talking about Santa?

When was the last time you tried to explain sex to someone? Not made a rude locker room joke to your buddies, but actually explain the mechanics of it all. I mean the sperm and egg thing, that's fine, that's easy. But the rest of it? 

I did ok until I had to say penis. Wait, let me rephrase that. I did ok until I had to talk about what the penis does. Which, when you think about it from the point of view of a 6 year old, is completely horrific. And gross. Really gross. Like why in the world would anyone want to do that?

Also, penis is not an ok word to say out loud. Go ahead, say it. I mean, you should probably make sure your co-workers aren't around. Like go in the bathroom or something. And then try to say it out loud, without blushing or laughter.

Hard, isn't it?
(Um, no pun intended.)

There was a lot of giggling. And then this: "So you and daddy put your private parts together?"

Well, yeah. And by the way, that is a much less awkward thing to say. Why didn't I come up with that? 

Is six years old too young to learn about these things? Have I traumatized my daughter for life? Perhaps. But what was I supposed to do? Maya has never even heard of a stork.

I do feel quite accomplished. Like whew, thank goodness I made it through that conversation. We don't have to talk about this one again for at least 15 years. 

Much like our talk about Santa (and Jesus), I made sure to mention that she should not discuss this with her friends because some of their mommies might not want them to know about this stuff yet. (I do NOT want that phone call from little Kaya's mom!) I also said a whole bunch of pointless mumbo jumbo about sex being a very grownup thing, similar to beer and coffee, (yes, I actually said that!) and that she would understand it more when she was older. Which was completely unnecessary since her basic reaction to the whole thing could be summed up in two words: WHAT?? EWWWW!

Anyway, check that one off the parenting list.
Anyone want to talk about the tooth fairy?

Do it like they do on the Discovery Channel.


  1. Yes. I want to. What does the Tooth Fairy do with all those teeth?? Billions of them by now!! EWWWW.


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