Smell the Roses, Or the Mats, Or Whatever.

I talk a lot about momentum and training. A whole lot. So much that I am sure everyone who reads my blog is beyond sick of it. So I'll just say this: These past few months have not been good for my jiu-jitsu journey. First I hurt my rib. Then I got sick. Then Hurricane Sandy happened. Then I had a week of anxiety and insomnia. Then I got on antibiotics to fix the sick and ended up with all kinds of stomach problems. Then my "monthly friend" showed up. (Some friend. Most buddies bring homemade cookies or a bottle of wine. She brings cramps, exhaustion, and a pounding headache that responds to no medicine.) You know what goes great together? A messed up stomach, a headache, a moody, depressed attitude and some dude's knee on your belly.

I tried to go to class during this time but it was half hearted and inconsistent. Until today. Today I took my first full class in at least 3 weeks. All the drills. Four full rounds of rolling. And it was glorious! Not because I beat everyone. (I did ok.) Not because I got everything right. (I did ok) But simply because it was the first class in awhile where I did not feel like crap, or where I was nursing something sore, or where I was half asleep.

Am I one hundred percent? No. But few athletes ever are. I am trying to accept this, the ebb and flow, the ups and downs. Life.  And today I was close enough to healthy to be able to appreciate how damn good it felt. To appreciate a good sweat. To enjoy playing and working on new moves. To feel muscles stretch and burn. To be reminded of why I actually like jiu-jitsu.

When you train for a long time, you experience all kinds of setbacks. You work through illness, injury, stress,  and scores of life commitments. It is an ongoing roller coaster. So is life. Good days, bad days. Moments of joy, moments of horror. And a whole lot of in the middle, times when you are stagnant, bored, times when you are just getting by. But there is an upside, a silver lining to the struggle, and that is this. Sometimes you will catch yourself rolling, or doing a kata, or completing a set of pushups, and it will all just feel right. If you are lucky you will notice it. And appreciate it. And hopefully, hold onto it to carry you through the days when you just can't make it up the stairs. That's the hardest part, the remembering.

(Oh and being a mommy is like this too. Moments. Lots of them. And a lot of them suck. But sometimes you catch yourself looking into those tiny eyes and feeling so damn happy. Hold on to that, hold it tight. It will help when she is screaming at you. Or at least I hope it will.)

I am not always good at appreciating the moment. Actually, I suck at it. I am the one who is too caught up in the what ifs and the what nexts and the whys to stop and smell the roses. But I'm trying. And BJJ is really really good for this. Its kind of hard to think about the future when someone is trying to choke you out RIGHT NOW!

Anyway, thanks for a good one. See you tomorrow!
If I am lucky.

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