Skip to main content

The Problem With This Guy

There is an article floating around the Internet this week about why marriage "no longer works" for the current crop of twenty-somethings. Here it is http://www.app.com/story/life/family/relationships/2015/04/06/reasons-marriage-just-work-anymore/25349495/

It is not a terrible article, really. He makes some good points about the importance of actual human connection; talking rather than texting, enjoying the moment instead of just posting pics of it. He also complains about the lack of exciting sex in a marriage and the stress of accumulating bills as if he is the first person to experience this. And then he pretty much blames social media for the failure of relationships. 

He is not totally clueless. But the problem I see over and over with this guy's generation is this constant sense of being wronged. As if the world is out to get them. As if their struggles are always something that has been inflicted on them, instead of a result of the choices they have made. As if they were the first human beings ever to have stress. 

Yes it is true that things cost more nowadays. But this? "This strain causes separation between us. It halts us from being able to live life. We're too busy paying bills to enjoy our youth. Forget going to dinner, you have to pay the mortgage. You'll have to skip out on an anniversary gift this year because those student loans are due at the end of the month. Vacations? Not happening."

Whine whine whine. Wait, you mean you can't afford to do whatever you want, whenever you want?? Welcome to adult life, buddy! Yes, you have to pay bills and sometimes you would rather go to Aruba. So you make choices. You have times of the month where you go out and other times where you cook Ramen noodles at home in your bathrobe. It called adulthood. And yeah if your version of "living life" can be encapsulated into buying dinner, buying gifts and buying vacation, you are certainly not going to be happy all the time. How about you "enjoy your youth" by going for a nice walk in the park with your wife instead of whining about all the bills you have to pay. Walking is free. Or how about you find a passion that is not simply a cliche of adult life? Go play chess or learn how to paint or take Judo or play your guitar on a bench somewhere. Go invent something new. Isn't your generation supposed to be all about going against the status quo? Well then stop trying so hard to be "normal."

And the sex thing? "Everywhere you look, there's pictures of men and women we know half naked — some look better than your husband or wife. So it becomes desirable. It's in your face every single day and changes your mindset." 

Seriously?? You see photos of pretty people on Facebook and suddenly sex with your wife is not so exciting? Did you not know there were other people in the world before the Internet existed? Women with boobs and asses and legs? Do you think you are the first man in the world to have to avoid temptation? You poor, poor baby. It turns out that there is a bit more to a sexual relationship than the thrill of someone new. There is learning about each other and growing with each other. There is being so comfortable with someone that you can try anything. There is sex that is more than just physical. There is sex that is about both of you feeling sad, sex that is celebratory, sex that is angry, and the sleepy, cozy sex that occurs first thing in the morning. And yes, there are days where you have to schedule it around work and child care, and yes even days when you aren't in the mood. Again, welcome to adulthood. Shut up!

But the thing that annoyed me most about this guy's article is the social media thing. I am SOOO sick of people blaming Facebook for their misery. Facebook is a choice. Let me say it again, in case you were too busy updating your status to hear me. 
FACEBOOK
IS 

CHOICE!
Social media has exactly as much power over your life as you give it, and not an inch more. It is not something being done to you. It is not something the world has inflicted upon you. You have to actually log in to the website to use it. 

If all those photos of your friends on the beach are making you feel bad, stop looking at them. 
If you are tired of all your conversations involving a touch screen, then make a phone call, or even better, go meet a friend for coffee somewhere.
If you feel like you are missing the moment, PUT YOUR DAMN PHONE AWAY!
No one is forcing you to post photos of your dinner.
No one is forcing you to "check-in" everywhere you go.
Your plane tickets do not come with a minimum status update requirement and it may come as a shock to you but it is actually possible to go on vacation and not document it on Facebook. 

Listen Anthony, I am sorry you are not happy with your life. But don't blame it on your "generation." Don't blame it on the world we live in now. If you don't like things, stop whining and do something about it. All those things you want; a fulfilling career, a happy relationship, enjoyable leisure time, ALL of them require getting off your butt and actually DOING something. 

Stop complaining that the world owes you a favor. 
Go out there and change the world instead. 

Of course you might have to get off of Twitter to do so.

Comments

  1. Such a satisfying post. Thanks!
    -Jennifer H.

    ReplyDelete

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

November 20, 2018

This morning, while out walking my dog, I watched a mother put her young boy onto the school bus. "Have a good day," she said. "Listen to your teacher."

The boy, who was about five years old, replied that of course he would, although it was unclear which of his mom's wishes he was agreeing to.

Listening. So and so is a "good listener." We talk so much about it, but many of us have no idea how to actually do it., so caught up in the words inside our own head that it is almost impossible to hear anything else. Yeah I am listening to you, but not really, I am really thinking about the next thing I am going to say. I am listening to you, but not really, because even though you know an awful lot about this, deep down my egotistical brain still thinks I know better. I am listening, but not really because even though you just showed the technique in perfect detail three times, and I swore I was really paying attention, somehow when it was my turn to drill it…

Namaste

For the past two days I have been feeling sick; an obvious side effect of spending so much time getting breathed on by small, germy children. This morning I was feeling much better, but not well enough for BJJ, so I decided to go to a yoga class instead. Turns out I was not quite well enough because about halfway through class my body was like, "Hey you, sick girl, you are kind of tired, this feels kind of yucky actually. How about you spend some time in child's pose instead."
As a lifelong athlete I am really, really good at getting messages from my body. I am less skilled, however, at actually following them.
This was not a difficult yoga class. But for me, today, it was impossible. My brain really did not like that. As I sat there with my eyes closed, breathing, the ever helpful voice in my head was saying things like "Everyone must think I am so weak. The teacher must think there is really something wrong with me. I should push through anyway. This is pathetic.&qu…

Roller Coaster

Its the roller coaster that gets me. The fact that you are just going along, doing your work, slowly climbing up, everything is going exactly according to plan, then Zoom!, down you go, fast, maybe not all the way to the bottom again, maybe somewhere halfway, but man you got there FAST! And now here we go again, back on the slow climb.
Some days it feels like you are doing everything right, you are busting your ass to accomplish all of your goals in every way that you know how, yet things just aren't going the way you want them to. On those days it is easy to get angry at the world. Don't you see I am doing my best here? Don't you see how hard I am working? OMG just get the f&*k out of my way! Stop asking for more of me! Can't you see I don't have any more??
But the thing is, that down part, it is on the track. It is part of the ride. it has always been a part of the ride. We knew if was coming, we could see it at the top of the long climb up. We didn't know…