Why Are Young Men Attention Grubbing Douchebags?

No offense to the young men out there. (Not like any read this blog.) I am not saying all of you are bad. There are a few really nice 18-25 year old dudes who train at the dojo. I like them.

But ya'll need to talk to this guy. He is making your kind look bad.

Hey buddy, I get it. There aren't many opportunities in our cubicle society for you to get out there and "be a man". Like fight a mountain lion or slay a dragon or something that makes you feel important. You have a shitty entry level job where no one listens to you or cares that you exist. You keep talking about "joining the gym" but it is too expensive and takes too much time away from hanging on the corner with your buddies. And all you really want, all you really need is for someone, anyone to pay attention to you.

So that explains why instead of riding your bike in a nice straight line in the bike lane like a normal person would, you preferred to zoom back and forth, on the sidewalk, where the walking folks are. It also explains why you thought it would be fun to ride way too close to me and then when you are directly behind me, make a loud obnoxious noise in my ear before biking away.

You don't know me. You don't know that I could have knocked you off your bike had I been fast enough, rear naked choked you unconscious and then given the bike to my brother as a birthday gift. You also don't know that I currently have a pinched nerve in my shoulder which makes me extra sensitive to people invading my personal space and also means that when you startled me with your desperate need to be noticed you made me flinch which caused my neck to pinch in a really uncomfortable way.

F**k you buddy!

You didn't need to know these things. All you needed to know was that in polite adult society you should stay in your own space and leave other people alone. Which you probably already know. I am sure your mama taught you this at some point. You are just too self absorbed to give a rats ass.

Listen young folks. When we look up at you as you pass by in your incredibly noisy motorcycle we are not blown away by how unbelievably cool you are. When you talk at an unacceptably loud volume with your friends on the subway all we are thinking is damn I wish I had invested in better headphones. When you make random stupid noises and fluff yourself up like a peacock on display, we are not impressed. Sure we are paying attention to you, but all we are thinking is "What a dickwad".

Don't be a dickwad.
Be a nice guy instead. Smile. Say hello to people. Or just ignore them. Whatever. But stay the hell out of my way.

This old lady. 


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