Here is a description of the last five minutes of my life. I made a piece of toast and poured some coffee. Chloe (the beagle, pointer mutt who lives in my home) followed me to my chair, where she proceeded to sit a respectful five feet away and gaze at me with a pathetic, hopeful expression on her face.
I took a sip of my coffee and realized that it wasn't sweet enough. People who live in normal homes without live animals could just get up and get more Coffemate. Not me. I had to carry my plate of toast with me, along with my mug of coffee, put the plate on the counter next to me, pour some more vanilla into the mug, and then carry both items back to my chair, all without allowing my hands to drop below waist level. Sounds like a lot of work to sweeten my coffee doesn't it?
Owning a dog is silly.
|Could I have toast please?|
Owning a dog is silly.
Believe it or not there are other things happening this week besides black belt promotion. Today was Career Day at Maya's school and all the kids were allowed to come to school dressed up as the thing they want to be when they grow up. Last year, in pre-k, Maya wore an apron and claimed to want to be a chef. Her and one of her buddies were going to open a restaurant together. This year she wore the same apron, but carried a pad and a pen and called herself a waitress. I blame Williamsburg for this obvious downgrade in ambition. (Stupid hipsters!) What kind of child wants to be a waitress when she grows up?? Her best friend, the one she likes to run around the playground and play Star Wars with, got up there in front of the class and said she wanted to be an astrophysicist for CERN. (Really, she said this.) And my child wants to work at IHOP.
Honestly, most of the kids probably just wore whatever costume they had in their closet. ("But mooommmmmy I don't WANT to be Winnie the Pooh when I grow up!!" "Sorry kid but there is no way I am searching for a doctor's costume in March.") I mean talk about an annoying little chore for the parents. Unless your kid wants to be a ballerina. Every little girl has a tutu buried in her room somewhere. But how many of you have a football helmet? Or a race car driver's uniform? Or whatever it is an astrophysicist for CERN wears. Maya's kindergarten teacher followed up every story with how much schooling that child would have to endure to achieve that particular career, proving that Career Day is clearly just propaganda for the college industry.
There was actually one boy who wanted to be a karate teacher. Am I wrong to be happy about this? Is it wrong to feel validated that my career path made it onto the list of kindergarten dreams, along with other prestigious choices like doctor, dentist, ice skating teacher, waitress, explorer, inventor, comic book store owner, ballerina, hair dresser and veterinarian. Oh and astrophysicist for CERN. (Nope, not tired of saying it yet.)
Maya was feeling shy and opted, along with about five other kids, to not get up in front of everyone and talk about her career choice. Which is fine of course, although I am not going to lie and say I wasn't a bit disappointed. I mean the other kids were cute and all but everyone really just comes to these things so they can see their own child, and then post photos on Facebook of their kid dressed up like Barak Obama. I did a good job of not making her feel bad about it, though. I did not grab her by her apron, shake her and scream "Get up there you coward! You get up there and tell them how you are going to revolutionize the waitressing industy! I got up early for this! I could be at home looking at photos of other people's kids on Facebook! Now talk!" I wanted to, but I was a good, supportive mommy instead. I fixed her apron, gave her a big hug and told her it was ok she did not want to share her story. Because of course it is fine. Maya talks in front of her class all the time, who cares is she misses this one. Besides it was not all a waste. I had to go home and Google CERN. (Yes it is true, I am an idiot.) And now I know what that is. And knowledge is power.
Yes that is my plate on the floor. Don't worry I had already finished the toast by the time Chloe got a hold of it. But look how clean it is now? Think of how much water we could save if everyone had a dog!
Do I actually let my dog clean my dishes? I'll let you wonder about that for awhile.