Skip to main content

Clothing Optional

I just finished reading a funny blog post about trying to explain appropriate public clothing options to four year olds. http://www.betadadblog.com/2013/07/why-cant-i-be-naked-at-pool-daddy.html It reminded me of a conversation Matthew and I had about a month ago, at a playground in Dumbo. It was early in the summer, and the sprinklers had just come on. Having not properly prepared for this, we had not packed a bathing suit or a change of clothes for Maya, but we told her that if she wanted to get wet it was fine. She would just have to go home in wet clothes and could of course change when she got there. She elected to stay dry but it prompted this discussion:

 Me: I suppose she could just go in her underwear.
Matthew: (looking thoughtful and slightly troubled) I don't know. She's probably too old for that now.
Me: (looking thoughtful and slightly annoyed) I guess so. But why? Who cares?
Matthew: Society cares.

 And he's right. They probably do. I have never seen the official rule book but I am betting that the cutoff age for half naked sprinkler time for a girl is probably around 3 years old. After that, you are gonna get funny looks from all the Dumbo mamas. (All except for the nice European ones whose kids are naked in the playground until puberty.) Which, when you think about it, is ridiculous. Anatomically there is absolutely no difference between a topless five year old girl and a topless five year old boy. Maya does not have breasts. There is no logical reason why she needs to cover up her chest, just like there is no logical reason why Beta Dad's four year old girls can't run around naked at the pool. It is just "frowned upon". Just like it is frowned upon for grown women to parade around with their see-you-next-Tuesday poking out of their skirts. (Except on Halloween, when for some reason all social decency flies out the window, and anything goes.)

 Also, during a heat wave.

 Don't be alarmed. My sun fried brain understands that going topless while running a summer camp for young children is still not appropriate. But when it is 98 degrees outside, with a heat index of 110, certain things no longer matter in the slightest.
  1. What my hair looks like. It is much more important that it is up in some elaborate ponytail, bun, braid-like thingy and that every strand is off of my damn neck! And that it is always, always wet, with icy cold droplets continuously falling all over my back and shoulders. Oh, and my hair is curly. And it is 95% humidity in this city. Ya'll ladies know. It is a losing battle. 
  2. Makeup. Seriously??? Putting stuff on your face?? My face is melting. No thank you.
  3. Likewise with heels. No thank you.
  4. Men without shirts. I normally am not a shirts versus skins kind of gal but in this heat, go ahead and take it off. I don't care what you look like. Six hundred pounds, whatever, go for it dude. Believe me, I would if I could. 
  5. Women in skimpy anything. No judgement here. It's 100 degrees outside! Wear whatever the hell you want. (Yeah I know all you guys are cheering. Everybody loves a heat wave!) Hell, I am currently sitting here in a tank top that is meant to be pajamas. I spent half of camp with a wet towel draped around my neck. Yup, that's high fashion. America's Next Top Model, here I come! 
  6. Adults in the sprinkler. That dude in the trench coat sitting creepily on the playground bench is still not welcome. But if you want to take a quick dash through the sprinkler, go ahead! Also those nice open fire hydrants that are a staple of NYC summers? Please jump in. Or at least dunk your head. Trust me, it is wonderful! 
And by the way, if you find yourself suddenly in a playground today with your kid and no bathing suit, and you want to let him or her splash around naked, go right ahead! You won't be getting anything from me except for a smile and a nod of pure understanding.

It's f**king hot out there!

Comments

Post a Comment

Popular posts from this blog

Dear Ronda Rousey

I am not into celebrities. If you want to know what Snooki named her baby, or who in Tinseltown got married and divorced this weekend, don't ask me. I do not consider the people prancing around on my television role models for my daughter, representatives for women-kind, or at all relevant to real life in any way. So twerk away Miley, I do not care. But I am a martial artist. I learn arm bars and rear naked chokes. I throw punches and knee kicks. I work on traditional katas and do pushups and try to pass the guard and sweet Jesus, I even occasionally throw low kicks which other people check with their shins. (  http://www.latimes.com/sports/la-sp-ufc-20131229,0,7356884.story#axzz2os6WWXVl ) I am not a professional fighter. But I am a woman who loves to fight. And as such, I was thrilled when Dana White finally allowed female fighters into the Octagon. Seeing you armbar Liz Carmouche was incredible. And I could watch you Judo toss people onto the mat all da...
7 comments
Read more

November 20th

I am going to tell you a secret.  The name of your school does not matter. The patch you wear on your uniform does not matter. The belt you tie around your waist, the color of your gi, the medals on your wall, none of these things matter.  All that matters is the sweat on the floor. Period. I am not saying that you should not be proud of those things. You earned them and they deserve to be celebrated.  I am not saying that all dojos are the same. They aren't. But none of that matters. What matters is that you did one more pushup that night. When you thought you were done, you did one more.  What matters is that you kept fighting, even though he had you pushed up against the wall and for a moment there you were pretty sure he forgot who you were. He certainly forgot how small you were, yet you kept fighting, or at least you kept your hands up and waited for the bell to ring. You didn't quit. What matters is that you went to class. When you would really ra...
7 comments
Read more

Blogging About Promotion is Inappropriate

As a kids karate teacher I am often trying to get my students to not focus on promotion. Don't get me wrong, a new color around your waist is an excellent motivator. But I hope the kids will ultimately come to class because they love karate , not just because they are punching the clock (so to speak) on their way to a new belt. When I first started studying jiu jitsu it was all about the thrill of something new. I just wanted to learn how to do all these awkward techniques with their odd Brazilian names . I didn't care that I was a white belt, on the contrary I loved it. It had been a long time since I was a beginner. About 8-10 months into my training a bunch of the people in my class got blue belts. I knew I wasn't ready for a promotion yet. But still, when the woman who was my partner almost every day got her new belt tied on right next to me I felt a little wierd. Ok fine, I was a bit envious. She was definitely better than me, but she was not that much bett...
10 comments
Read more