The Dude on My Stoop

I don't have a backyard. Or a porch. Or a rooftop deck. But that's ok, I am flexible, I make do with what I've got. My favorite summer activity is to sit on my Brooklyn stoop, drinking a cold beer and watching the world go by. I could do this for hours.

So here I am, hanging out on my stoop on a balmy Sunday evening. And then I go upstairs to get some food and when I come back there is a dude sitting there. So I sit down next to him. And he stays there! And now here we are, me and this dude I don't know, sitting on my stoop just staring awkwardly at our phones. And its a really small stoop. 

F--king hipsters.

And then I think, what is the proper etiquette in this situation? I mean he was there first. But it is the stoop attached to my apartment building. Do I ask him to leave? Do I go back upstairs?

And then I publish a Facebook post about him. Really. I am sure you saw it. 

And then I think, this dude, who I do not know has now been the subject of my Facebook post. Have I ever been the subject of some random person's Facebook post? You know, like "I just saw this crazy lady screaming at her daughter on the corner. What a bad mom!" How many times has someone looked at me and then posted a status update. Because I am like really really narcissistic and I assume everyone is always looking at me.. 

And then I think, he was a nice guy. I didn't need to make fun of him on the Internet just for sitting on my stoop. If he somehow read my status he would feel bad. I am a jerk. A big jerk. 

And then he leaves. But before he does, he says "Thanks for the stoop time."

F--king hipsters.