MAMA: Adventures in Martial Arts and Motherhood

Today I woke up totally cranky pants. I went to bed too late and got up too early and everything irritated me. Especially my five year old, who, to be fair, was not really doing anything wrong except for being awake at 7am. Which she always is. And being five. Which she also always is. Today my pet peeve was her toe-walking. She used to do it constantly when she was younger. The pediatrician noticed it when she was two and sent her to an orthopedist who gave her orthodics to put in her shoes and little braces to wear while she was sleeping. The braces were supposed to keep her feet flat, and her toes pointing up, hence loosening the muscles in her ankles and calves. She wore them for almost two years, through an entire NYC summer. You know what is not comfy when it is 95 degrees and humid? Plastic leg braces. But Maya was a trooper and wore those damn things every night without complaint. Oh how I hated them. Eventually she started walking on her toes less. The orthopedist referr...

Matthew Maldonado and Nicholas Schultz appeared in court for the first time yesterday since raping a fellow teammate on New Years Eve. Here is the video, in case you still care about this story, courtesy of channel 7:  http://www.youtube.com/watch?feature=player_embedded&v=zNFXVg1hdxE . In the video the reporter repeats this gem of a statement from Maldonado's mother: " My son is innocent. I have no faith in the judicial system. I just leave it up to God." Readers of this blog know that for all intents and purposes I am an atheist. I understand, however, the incredible appeal of religion. It gives you a sense of community, a clear set of moral guidelines, and most importantly, the comfort and strength to get through tough times. Like when a family member gets sick. Or dies. Or is accused of raping a woman in a church parking lot. Although I do not believe in God, I completely respect His power to keep people on their feet when the ground falls out fro...

Last night I got an email from Vice President Joe Biden, asking for my support over the next four years. OK, so maybe it was a form letter, sent to everyone on the White House's email list, anyone who has ever donated money to the Democratic Party, or signed a petition, or posted "Yes We Can!" on Facebook. But  it was still pretty nice to see "Vice President Joe Biden"  in my inbox. Yeah, I'm so cool that the Vice President of the United States sends me emails. You think he reads my blog? I wonder what he thinks of Lloyd Irvin. Yesterday I dragged my daughter to the One Million Moms For Gun Control Rally at City Hall. Hey, she had no school. And it was Martin Luther King Day. And I, like hundreds of other mommies, saw this as the perfect opportunity to teach my child about important concepts like non-violent protest, working to change the laws you don't agree with, and standing in a large crowd in the cold waving a homemade sign.  Me: "We are go...

(Disclaimer:The statement below was written by me. It is in no way connected to Lloyd Irvin, his school or his students and cannot be said to be representative of his views in any way. But it should be.) Dear Martial Arts Community, By now I am sure you have all heard about the horrific acts that were performed by two students at my academy. I view these acts as the lowest form of disrespect and the worst violation of trust that could ever occur between teammates.  I would like to deeply apologize for these men who are unfortunately affiliated with me and my school. Their actions mean that I have failed as a teacher. I have failed to create a training environment where respect and compassion are valued above martial arts prowess. I have failed to create a training environment where the goal is to build better human beings through the study of the martial arts. I have failed to instill in the members of my team the belief that everyone is valued and everyone should be...

I just finished watching Friday Night Lights for the umpteenth time, a movie that is, in my opinion, one of the best movies ever made. The acting is superb, the music is haunting, and the editing is flawless. Even if you hate football you have to like this movie, it is that good. And, as is the case with any great sports story, the best part is the end, the part where everyone plays their heart out, leaves it all on the field....and loses. If you missed the movie, I apologize for the spoiler. But yes, you heard me right. My favorite sports movie of all time ends with the heroes losing the game. Vince Lombardi once said "Winning isn't everything- but wanting to win is." I do not entirely disagree with this. I am not one of those jump rope without a rope parents who thinks all forms of competition are a straight shot to low self esteem and teen suicide. I am all for first place. But it is not as simple as Coach Lombardi's famous phrase makes it out to be. The reason...

All this conversation about rape has got me thinking. And before we begin, let me be clear. This post is not about rape prevention, or god forbid about what an unfortunate  rape victim could have done differently. On that point I tend to agree with BJJ black belt Karen Miller who said   " We must instead understand that there’s nothing a woman can do to avoid rape because a rapist is going to act, whether a woman is naked, wearing a burqa, or is a whore."  This post is just some insight from a woman who has stubbornly insisted on being a part of the very masculine martial arts world for most of her life. Yeah I mean me. I started karate when I was thirteen, which is a good age for a female to begin learning an art form designed to build discipline and self confidence. I was small and shy, but had been a competitive gymnast since the age of nine so I was no stranger to sweat. Even though the idea of a kiai (spirited shout) embarrassed the hell out of me and I was terri...

The NY Times recently published a long article which talks about the racial inequality of G&T programs in the NYC public schools.  http://www.nytimes.com/2013/01/13/education/in-one-school-students-are-divided-by-gifted-label-and-race.html . I am not going to discuss the article, except to say this: if you base admissions into a special program entirely on a test that parents can pay hundreds of dollars to prepare their kids for, don't be surprised when your G&T classes are full of rich, white kids. Or, in the parlance of an elementary schooler, "Like, DUH!:" My daughter took the G&T test when she was in pre-k. She scored an 89, one point below the cutoff to be "gifted". Our district, 14 in Williamsburg, currently has only one G&T program, in the old, overcrowded building of PS132. (Nothing against PS132, it is said to be one of the best schools in our district. Hence the overcrowding.) We didn't have much interest in her going there, we re...

On New Years Eve of 2013, Matthew and I were in a bar in Washington DC. We had hired a babysitter to sit awkwardly on our hotel bed and watch TV while our daughter slept so we could go out and paarrrrtay! Which for me meant have a nice dinner with my man, then struggle to stay awake past 10:30. We ultimately ended up sitting at the hotel bar until 11:30 before finally admitting that we would rather be in bed. (And not in the I'm so tipsy lets have some NYE sexy time kind of way.)  I watched the ball drop through half closed eyes, under a cozy blanket with my wonderful husband alongside me and my five year old asleep on a pullout couch nearby. In my opinion, it was a perfect way to bring in the New Year. I was asleep by 12:20.  I am who I am and even more, I like who I am. I am no party animal. Why pretend otherwise?  In another part of Washington DC, while I was dozing in my hotel bed, a different woman was being raped. h ttp://www.wjla.com/articles/2013/01/matthe...

I want to look at myself while I work on myself. I should make a recording so I can listen to myself while I look at myself while I work on myself as I leaf through my Self magazine and read about how myself can improve myself. Maybe I’ll go to my Facebook page and look at photos of myself and read what myself has written about myself. -Jim Gaffigan on mirrors at the gym In a few days I will reach the one year anniversary of this blog. (Jan. 15, 2012) It started as a New Years Resolution to myself, something to force me to write more. If I was supposed to post regularly, if anyone at all was reading this, than I couldn't be lazy about it. I wasn't sure how long I could keep it up, a month if I was lucky, or two. Instead, I surprised myself. I love writing this damn thing! I love sitting down with a cup of coffee in the morning and lamenting about my jiu-jitsu struggles, or Maya's beady eyed glare. I don't even care that the same 15 people read it every week, that I...

Our society is obsessed with bad guys. Superheroes fighting their nemeses; cops running down stairs, guns drawn, in pursuit of criminals; soldiers hiding in foxholes, ready to take out the enemy. Osama Bin Ladin, bad guy. Adam Lanza, bad guy. Why are people so adamant about owning guns? Because they need to protect their families if and when the bad guys come knocking on their doors. Everyone wants to be a hero, everyone is constantly on the lookout. After all, psychos, child abductors and creepy pedophiles are everywhere ! This morning there was a discussion on one of my favorite blogs about whether or not 8-9 year olds should be allowed to ride the subway to school by themselves if the school bus drivers go on strike.  http://www.freerangekids.com/mayor-to-new-york-city-8-year-olds-take-the-subway-alone/  Yes, this is the same woman who let her own 9 year old do just that a bunch of years ago, the same one who is an advocate for allowing kids to explore the ...

I've given a lot of thought to New Years this year. What silly meaningless promises am I going to make to myself. Eat less sugar? (Yeah, I wish!) Train harder? Save more money? (For what exactly??) Then I decided it could be much simpler than that. Much less lofty. Much more real. So this year, my 2013 resolution is to simply to keep it playful. Fans of Ryron Gracie's jiu jitsu blog ( http://keepitplayful.wordpress.com/ )  will know the phrase, although I don't mean it exactly the way he does. For Ryron, training playful means not always trying to win, allowing yourself to work in less dominant positions for the purpose of improving at them, letting go of the ridiculous notion that tapping always means losing. These are all good things. But for me the idea of training playful is very simple, I refuse to not have fun. No more rolling with the same two people every class because they are who I feel comfortable with. No more leaving class early because I am feel...