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Damn You Cinderella!

I hate princesses. There I said it. (Come and get me Walt Disney!)  Those stupid tiara wearing bitches are responsible for at least half of my problems with Maya.  Like this morning. Her school was doing a St Patrick's Day celebration where all the children were supposed to wear green. Maya has a lot of pink and purple shirts, a few pairs of jeans and a whole lot of dresses. After digging through the piles of clothes in her drawers I finally unearthed some army green camouflage pants and a Jets t-shirt. Success!

Maya was not pleased. "I don't like those clothes." "I am sorry they are the only green ones you have." "But I don't look good." Sigh. My seventeen year old caught in the body of a preschooler. "That's fine. You can pick other clothes but then you might not be able to participate in the thing with your class today." And here come the tears. And a bunch of coughing (she has been struggling with a cold all week). And now a tummy ache.

Eventually, after crying for a full 15 minutes, and a lot of sweaty coughing, I decided that she was actually feeling pretty sick. Sick enough, in fact to stay home from school. Which she did. She lay on the couch with me, watched two episodes of Ni Hao Ki Lan, drank some juice and then suddenly got up and went off to play in her room. Without the tummy ache. Or the tears.

Dammit, I was tricked. This girl is not sick at all. She just didn't want to wear those green clothes. Now I am stuck at home all day with a slightly phlegmy, but otherwise perfectly healthy and energetic four year old! And I blame Snow White.

I am not going to lie, I like to play dress up too. If I am going somewhere fancy I actually enjoy putting on a dress and heels, doing my hair and makeup, pretending I am on a photo shoot for America's Next Top Model. That is because the rest of the time I am wearing a sweaty gi. I think Maya looks adorable in her Cinderella costume (It is from last Halloween but has become a part of her every day dress up routine.) I love watching her dance around the house in a bright pink tutu and ballet slippers. And I think playing Tangled is a fine game. (Preferably done with her friends, who never seem to tire of singing "Rapunzel! Let down your ha-ir!")

The problem I have with the whole princess thing is the message it sends little girls. You want to be a princess when you grow up, sweetheart? Well in the real world that means find a rich prince and make it your mission to marry him. Unless of course, you are lucky enough to already be the daughter of royalty. Never mind pursuing an actual career or any real goals.

Also, the Disney princesses are piss poor role models. There is Cinderella, whose evil stepmother makes her clean the house all day and tells her she cannot go to the fancy ball. Some mice help make her a pretty dress, which she wears to the party where she meets a handsome rich man and falls in love with him. Eventually he rescues her from her horrible life and whisks her off to his castle to live happily ever after.  Rapunzel is locked in her tower with yet another evil mother (why are there so many of them??) who uses her daughter's magic hair for her own gains. Eventually she escapes and (guess who?) a handsome young man helps her discover that she is in fact a princess! Where does she end up at the end? Back at the castle where she rightfully belongs. Snow White (who is the fairest of them all) does virtually nothing but clean and cook for those Seven Dwarves until she is tricked into eating a poisoned apple and falls into a death-like sleep. Who rescues her? Prince Charming of course.  Why didn't anyone ever teach her not to take food from strangers? Ariel, the beautiful mermaid, gives her voice to the Sea Witch in exchange for legs so she can be with her true love, Prince Eric. If this prince is so great why doesn't he love Ariel the way she is? Stupid men! Next she'll be getting breast implants and lypo because her prince doesn't like any "junk in the trunk."

We got a little hope with Tiana. (from the Princess and the Frog) She is a hardworking waitress who has the great ambition to open her own restaurant in New Orleans. Finally, a woman with a goal that is not about a fancy gown. She works hard and saves money and eventually gets her restaurant, but not before meeting and falling in love with (you got it) a handsome prince. Because achieving your lifelong dream is not good enough, you need to become a princess too. Sigh.

I would like to make a movie about a "princess" who wears jeans, cute tops from Old Navy and sensible shoes, lives in a 4 floor walk up in Park Slope, who runs her own business, cooks and cleans for her family, loves her children, and has a wonderful husband who also works, cooks, cleans and cares for his kids. All of them are beautiful (mermaid tails and all) and all of them live happily ever after. Any takers? I guess not.

Maya is currently running around the house in a pink tutu. She is not coughing anymore. She has played with every toy in her room and now she is bored and keeps asking me when I will be done. Call me a mean mommy but I am going to finish my blog before I play with her. It is Friday dammit. She is supposed to be in school, green pants and all, and I am supposed to be lying in bed watching Maury. (You are NOT the father!) I was tricked!

Ok, I am off to play Jenga with my little princess, who I love, in spite of everything. We will have lunch together.  Then she will go in her room and take a long long nap because "that is what sick kids do." When she wakes up she will put on those green pants and that Jets shirt and go to grandma's house because I will be damned if she wears anything else today.

Maya: "Mommy, what are you writing about."
Me: "Princesses."
Maya: "Mommy can we go to Disney World someday?"

Yes Maya, someday we will all go to Disney World.


  1. Well, I agree with Maya but that’s probably due to my experience in the Army. I hate anything military but that’s just me. Anyway, as soon as Maya gets to our house, she’ll want to change into her Brazilian dress or some other “girlie” attire. But I agree with you about princesses.

    As for Disney World, in the words of Cecil B. DeMille, “Include me out”.


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