MAMA: Adventures in Martial Arts and Motherhood

Maya has made many friends in pre-k this year. For her that means girls to play dress-up and paint with and boys to chase and jump on. (Sometimes the girls also chase each other but the boys never seem to want to play "mommy and baby" with her. Nurture my ass!) For me this means sometimes there is another child in my house besides my own, and other times there is no child in my house and I can clean up or write or watch reruns of 90210. (Brenda and Dylan and Kelly oh my!) I honestly love both versions of the playdate. Maya's friends are cute, mostly nice and they can entertain each other for hours, coming out of her room only when they get hungry. As for when she goes to someone else's house, well what is not to love about someone else picking my child up from school, feeding her and keeping her busy all afternoon? The only problem is that Maya's large circle of friends includes the dreaded group of three, Maya and two other girls. They are all friends with each

This past weekend we had a promotion every single day. Friday night was the second day of Kenshikai black belt promotion. Saturday morning was a kids promotion at our dojo. Finally, Sunday was the culmination of the black belt testing process, the sparring day, and the day they get their belts. Kenshikai Karate has a black belt promotion every six months. It includes students going for all degrees of black belt. During the three day testing process, candidates are required to perform all their basic techniques, katas, self defense exercises and sparring, as well as write, and then later speak about, an essay on their karate experiences. Many of the students who are hoping to achieve higher ranking in our style of karate are what you would expect. They are strong athletes and talented fighters. They can perform hundreds of blocks, kicks and punches (not to mention 15-20 katas) with few, if any, mistakes. They are shining role models, confident leaders. They are also mothers. (And

Over this past weekend, a father posted a video on YouTube of his toddler being searched by TSA agents at a Chicago airport. The video shows the child, who not only is three years old but also happens to be in a wheelchair, looking mighty uncomfortable while being patted down by a total stranger. According to the father, during the search he was not allowed to hold his son's hand or even stand near him to comfort him. In retrospect (this happened back in 2010) he feels the whole thing was highly inappropriate and he wishes he had protested more. The response to the video was predictably indignant. Many blamed the agent, while others admit that he was just doing his job and blame the entire airport security system. A few (those without kids I suspect) say that this is just the price we have to pay to be safe from terrorists. I used to be the director of an afterschool program. Since I was basically the "principal" I often got kids in my office who had broken the rules

I hate princesses. There I said it. (Come and get me Walt Disney!)  Those stupid tiara wearing bitches are responsible for at least half of my problems with Maya.  Like this morning. Her school was doing a St Patrick's Day celebration where all the children were supposed to wear green. Maya has a lot of pink and purple shirts, a few pairs of jeans and a whole lot of dresses. After digging through the piles of clothes in her drawers I finally unearthed some army green camouflage pants and a Jets t-shirt. Success! Maya was not pleased. "I don't like those clothes." "I am sorry they are the only green ones you have." "But I don't look good." Sigh. My seventeen year old caught in the body of a preschooler. "That's fine. You can pick other clothes but then you might not be able to participate in the thing with your class today." And here come the tears. And a bunch of coughing (she has been struggling with a cold all week). And now a

I like to win. It is a great feeling to know that some referee or judge has determined that you are the best of the bunch. Perhaps it was because your team got the highest score. Or maybe you performed the best routine or did the hardest tricks. In fighting it is an even bigger ego boost because in order to win you have to usually beat up the other guy. (I made him tap! I am the biggest badass at this tournament!) Who doesn't like the feeling of a medal being hung around their neck, or the thrill of attempting to commute home with a six foot plastic trophy. (How many Karate Kid jokes can you endure in one hour long subway ride? How many times will your car get honked at for the shiny gold kicking guy that is sticking out of the sun roof?) I am all for competition, provided it does not consume your entire training. We bring our young karate students to about two tournaments a year. It is a lot of buildup, weeks of practice and excitement. In addition to perfecting punches, kicks a

For the past few years I have been following the efforts of a long distance swimmer named Diana Nyad. For those of you who don't know her, she has set numerous records in open water swimming (open water, as in swimming across the ocean! ) and for the past two years has been attempting to complete the amazing feat of swimming 103 miles, from Cuba to Florida. She tried this swim once, way back in 1978, but had to stop after almost 42 hours of swimming due to bad weather and strong currents. Last summer (at the age of 61!) she tried it again. After swimming 82 nautical miles, and being stung by not one, but two Man O War jellyfish, she was once again forced to stop. Diana swims without a shark cage to protect her. She was stung in the face by one of the most deadly creatures on earth and kept swimming, through excruciating pain and illness. Did I mention she is 61 years old? Clearly Diana Nyad is an impressive athlete, an inspiration, a role model. What she has done is amazing. A

The NYC parenting mantra seems to be "whatever it takes." Whether it is cramming for G&T tests, interviewing for exclusive private schools or moving to the  suburbs  of New Jersey, organizing your child's early  education is a full time job.  In other places, PTA meetings are about planning the next bake sale. Here, in the city that never sleeps, it is all about winning. How can we make our school the best in the city? And then, once it is, how can make sure everyone knows it? My neighborhood of Williamsburg, Brooklyn is currently in the midst of a heated debate over the installation of a new Success Academy Charter School, scheduled to open in August. Like all charters, the new school is going to share space with an existing public school, in this case a struggling middle school on South 3rd street. Many of the parents who I am friendly with do not want this school in our community. There are various reasons. Some of them oppose the high priced marketing campaign t

My jiu-jitsu school recently moved to a new location and this past Monday was the first class. Although it was still somewhat of a construction zone, it is going to be an amazing place. The mat space is at least double the size, enough for them to eventually run two simultaneous classes. The changing rooms, which are brand spanking new, will soon have their own showers, eliminating the need for people to walk around in their towels. (I am not saying I won't miss the nudity, but at least I can now take my own shower after class without feeling like I am on the set of a porno) The front area will have a desk, a display case for gis and other swag, and some comfy seats for prospective students to watch us choking each other out from a safe distance. Along with all this space will come new classes, including more white belt classes. (Yippee!) It is all very exciting and reminds me of when our current dojo opened four years ago. The drywall dust that settles on the floor no matter how m